Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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