there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
