My hand turned me down
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
