oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
