oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
