I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
