Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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