I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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