I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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