you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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