I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
