i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
