I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
