Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
