Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
