Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
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