either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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