she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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