I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
