I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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