4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
