I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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