I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
