My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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