Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
