I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
