omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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