I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
