No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
