My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
