Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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