Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
