There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
