so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
