I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
