i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
