Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
third nipple confirmed
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
