I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
