So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
