So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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