She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
