I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
