I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Less talking, more tequila
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
