What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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