i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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