The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
