tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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