I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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