I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
All the doctor said was why
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
