tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
