i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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