and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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